Most posts on social media are the highlight reels of someone’s life. You see smiles and love and happy spins on events. People love to see that side of things. But we all know that isn’t real life.
Real life hurts sometimes. Real life can be ugly. Real life is full of death, broken bones, pandemics, anxiety, and pain.
Real life is what is behind the joy of helping your mother move on with her life after the death of her soul mate and healing from a broken hip. Real life is when your partner and best friend of 20 years, the person you can’t wait to talk to and share your life with, out of the blue wants space and asks you to leave the life you’ve built together so he can find himself.
Real life is spending sleepless nights crying or days on end too sick with hurt to eat. Real life is losing 10 pounds in a week because you can’t fathom how the person you love and trusted most in the world could hurt you so deeply the same year your father died.
Real life is worrying about the three children caught in the middle of everything who don’t deserve the pain. The children who should be able to look at their parents and know everything is going to be okay. Instead, those same children end up consoling the shell of the mother they once knew.
Life isn’t fair. This year has been less than fair to many people. And now, blindsided, hurt, angry, confused, and heartbroken, I have to put on a strong face. My children deserve me at my best. They shouldn’t have to see me like this but that’s the cards we have been dealt together.
Maybe this year is finished with its surprises and maybe it isn’t. Maybe my husband, who has been so kind, caring, and supportive our entire relationship, can figure out whatever is going on with him so I can go back home and maybe he won’t. Maybe I will be starting over with my mother and maybe that won’t be necessary. I will, however, absolutely pick myself up and be the best version of me I can. It may take a long time but my children deserve no less.
Oily Minded Medic 