Tag: love

Do What Brings You Joy

I was in a leadership class this past week. They quoted a lot of good speakers throughout it but one quote stuck out to me. Not just the quote but the explanation behind it. It was from Stephen Covey’s The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and it goes as follows:

“Sharpen the Saw means preserving and enhancing the greatest asset you have – you”.

So what does that mean?

It means if you are constantly using your saw – in other words your effort, your brain, your time, your compassion – it will dull. You can’t keep cutting with a dull blade. It needs to be sharpened to continue to work as it’s designed. To sharpen your saw you need to find time to do what makes you happy. What refills your cup? What recharges your batteries? If you give all your spoons away, you have none left for yourself.

What brings you joy?

What is the one thing that if someone asked you about today you would talk passionately about? Is it a pet? Is it music? How about art? Maybe it’s your latest gadget or something you’ve worked hard for. Maybe it’s the beach.

I have four.

My children bring me joy. Whether they are under the same roof, gallivanting around the world with me, or simply happy with the lives they are living, they always bring me joy. When I get a phone call or text message from any of them, it makes my day.

Sage, my cuddle-bug puppy (who isn’t a puppy anymore but shh – don’t tell her) brings me joy. She is a chihuahua/pit bull mix. She looks like a perpetual pittie puppy. She acts like a cat, though, and that girl can hold a grudge like no dog I’ve ever met. Regardless, she makes me happy.

Music grounds me. Music helps me express what I might not be able to. Music always has a song to match my mood. Music doesn’t judge me. Music understands.

Finally – my big recharge – travel. I love the ocean. I can visit the mountains or a desert but the ocean holds my heart. Well, water in general. I am down for a river cruise anywhere in the world. But the salt air is immediately relaxing. Getting on a plane is exciting. I swear I am still a child at heart. I have been on more planes than I can count. I still prefer the window seat because I want to watch us take off and land. It’s so fascinating to me. Then to land somewhere new – somewhere I might not know the language, somewhere the history is in the streets, and the beauty surrounds me – that brings me joy.

So why am I blabbering on about these things that bring me joy? Because they sharpen my saw. They keep me present. They add spoons, recharge my batteries, fill my cup, help me to help others.

You don’t need something big or expensive. You can even have one practical and one not so practical thing. Maybe it’s a bunch of little things. What brings you joy could be watching your favourite TV show. Maybe it’s playing video games. Maybe it’s even sitting in a corner and reading a book without interruptions.

The thing itself is less important. What is important is that you make time for yourself to do the things that bring you joy.

One of our instructors said that he is well aware he would most likely do what makes him happy anyway but he intentionally puts it in his schedule. That is a non-negotiable. That is going to happen. Seeing it in his schedule gives him something to look forward to.

Do you need to add it to your schedule? Maybe. Maybe not. I think that depends on how much priority you give yourself. If you keep giving away pieces of you without making time for something to make you happy – yes. You do need to schedule it. If you are capable of knowing every night at 7pm you are going to watch Jeopardy without question, maybe not.

The point isn’t to add more things to your schedule. The point is to make sure you are taking the time to sharpen your saw.

Evolving Dreams

The majority of my life I have been known as a mother, and a wife, and a paramedic. Although I am still both a paramedic and a mother, I am no longer a wife. And that’s okay. People change. They grow apart. Their dreams and visions evolve.

Over the last two years I have grown in ways I never knew possible. I have taken time to do things for myself I would have only dreamed of before. Not to the fault of anyone else besides the “norms” of society.

The world in which I have lived and grown in has dictated that women first and foremost relinquish their own lives and happiness to become a mother. And when they have given all they think they have to raising children, they should be a perfect homemaker and wife at the same time. Giving every other part of their livelihoods to building a household and making their husbands feel comfortable and loved. Then, when you have almost nothing left to give, women are expected to have a full time job to help support their households, if not a couple part time jobs as well.

I am not saying I was a perfect wife nor housekeeper. I am not saying I am a perfect mother. I am not saying I am a perfect employee. What I am saying is that the society I grew up in expected me to be all of those things. All of the time. And if I failed in any one of those aspects in the very slightest, I wasn’t good enough. I’ve lived my entire life trying to satisfy unrealistic expectations. And I am finally over it.

I am divorced. That does not make me a failure.

My children share their time between two households. When they are here I work 12 hour shifts a couple of those days, sometimes over night. That does not make me a failure.

I have a full time job. I have taken vacation and FMLA and sick leave in the last six months. That does not make me a failure.

There once was a time I considered my value based on what society told me was ideal. According to that, I AM a failure. But you know what? Society is wrong. 50 years ago. 20 years ago. Even now. One cannot base a woman’s worth on anything. ANYTHING. Women cannot continue to compare themselves to impractical standards. Women CANNOT continue to compare themselves to other women.

Do what makes you happy. If you think that makes you a bad mother, just think of the example you are setting for you kids. Do you want them to live life as you are? If you think that makes you a bad wife, maybe that marriage isn’t for you. And that’s okay. If you think that makes you a bad employee, perhaps it’s time to find another career or employer. There is NOTHING wrong with that.

I have been to Asheville, Orlando, Charlotte, Atlanta, Winston Salem, and Sint Maarten, concerts, hockey games, and had surgery since January. I have several more vacations, concerts, and weekend adventures planned for the rest of the year. I have been hiking and running and hanging out with friends and neighbours with no intention of slowing down anytime soon.

I say all this to encourage everyone to do something, anything, to make them happy. The only thing it costs is a little bit of time you once had dedicated to something else. I promise you. Your happiness is worth it.

You only get one life. Don’t waste it trying to show the world you are what they think you ought to be. Don’t waste it trying to make others happy.

Do what makes you happy. True happiness is infectious and shines onto all those around you.

Allow your dreams to evolve or, for once, allow yourself the opportunity to fulfil your own dreams.

You are worth it.

Life Lessons

I’ve learned and grown a lot over the last couple years. My entire world was ripped out from under me in a 6 month span. I could have collapsed. At times I wanted to. But I didn’t.

I persevered. I pushed forward. I grew. I learned. I became stronger.

I’ve learned my children will always be my motivation. Everything I do is for them. I want to be there for them and provide for them but also I want them to see resilience. I want them to know it’s okay to be hurt and life is hard but they can do it and it is worth it. I want them to know I am and will always be there for them.

I’ve learned it doesn’t matter how many years or miles separate you, good friends will always be there for you. ALWAYS.

I’ve learned friends come and go. And that’s okay.

I’ve learned some people like drama. They want to be a part of it. They will try to exploit yours or create their own to drag you into.

I’ve learned those people aren’t worth my time.

I’ve learned your emergency isn’t mine. I won’t make it mine. I can’t bear your burden and my own. I can help you help yourself. It’s all I have to offer and if you can’t help yourself, I can no longer help you either.

I’ve learned I will never be consistent posting blogs or to any other social media platform. I’m having fun and that’s all that matters.

I’ve learned I can have friends and go out with them when I want. I can buy that car or that house all on my own. I can have elective surgery if I choose. I don’t need permission from anyone but myself.

But most importantly I’ve learned we are all responsible for our own happiness. True happiness can only come from within. Being satisfied with who you are and where you are going.

I realised somewhere along the lines the biggest leap of faith one can take is to believe in oneself. Sure things will go wrong. Mistakes will be made. Don’t let that bring you down. Learn from it. Grow in spite of it.

I’ve learned I am enough. I was broken. Now I’m happy and stronger for having lived through it.

Civility

According to Merriam-Webster the definition of civility is as follows:

1 a: civilized conduct especially: COURTESY, POLITENESS. bemoaned the decline of civility in our politics

b: a polite act or expression lacked the little civilities and hypocrisies of political society— Roy Jenkins. The men briefly exchanged civilities before the meeting began.

Why do we find it so hard to be courteous and polite to one another? So often we are unnecessarily hostile and repugnant .

There have been many times in the last few months I have been amazed at how uncivilised people are. It’s just not necessary.

It takes less effort to be kind. It also makes you look like a better person. There is no need to be aggressive and belligerent. There is no to be hostile and hateful. There is no need to be destructive.

It’s the time of year when we should be kinder to each other. Let’s start with those we know, whether or not they have caused you pain, and just be nice. It doesn’t cost anything to be nice.

Have some civility.

Be kind to each other.

No one deserves to be treated poorly.