The majority of my life I have been known as a mother, and a wife, and a paramedic. Although I am still both a paramedic and a mother, I am no longer a wife. And that’s okay. People change. They grow apart. Their dreams and visions evolve.
Over the last two years I have grown in ways I never knew possible. I have taken time to do things for myself I would have only dreamed of before. Not to the fault of anyone else besides the “norms” of society.
The world in which I have lived and grown in has dictated that women first and foremost relinquish their own lives and happiness to become a mother. And when they have given all they think they have to raising children, they should be a perfect homemaker and wife at the same time. Giving every other part of their livelihoods to building a household and making their husbands feel comfortable and loved. Then, when you have almost nothing left to give, women are expected to have a full time job to help support their households, if not a couple part time jobs as well.
I am not saying I was a perfect wife nor housekeeper. I am not saying I am a perfect mother. I am not saying I am a perfect employee. What I am saying is that the society I grew up in expected me to be all of those things. All of the time. And if I failed in any one of those aspects in the very slightest, I wasn’t good enough. I’ve lived my entire life trying to satisfy unrealistic expectations. And I am finally over it.
I am divorced. That does not make me a failure.
My children share their time between two households. When they are here I work 12 hour shifts a couple of those days, sometimes over night. That does not make me a failure.
I have a full time job. I have taken vacation and FMLA and sick leave in the last six months. That does not make me a failure.
There once was a time I considered my value based on what society told me was ideal. According to that, I AM a failure. But you know what? Society is wrong. 50 years ago. 20 years ago. Even now. One cannot base a woman’s worth on anything. ANYTHING. Women cannot continue to compare themselves to impractical standards. Women CANNOT continue to compare themselves to other women.
Do what makes you happy. If you think that makes you a bad mother, just think of the example you are setting for you kids. Do you want them to live life as you are? If you think that makes you a bad wife, maybe that marriage isn’t for you. And that’s okay. If you think that makes you a bad employee, perhaps it’s time to find another career or employer. There is NOTHING wrong with that.
I have been to Asheville, Orlando, Charlotte, Atlanta, Winston Salem, and Sint Maarten, concerts, hockey games, and had surgery since January. I have several more vacations, concerts, and weekend adventures planned for the rest of the year. I have been hiking and running and hanging out with friends and neighbours with no intention of slowing down anytime soon.
I say all this to encourage everyone to do something, anything, to make them happy. The only thing it costs is a little bit of time you once had dedicated to something else. I promise you. Your happiness is worth it.
You only get one life. Don’t waste it trying to show the world you are what they think you ought to be. Don’t waste it trying to make others happy.
Do what makes you happy. True happiness is infectious and shines onto all those around you.
Allow your dreams to evolve or, for once, allow yourself the opportunity to fulfil your own dreams.
You are worth it.
Oily Minded Medic 